Sex Matters

by on Oct.10, 2011, under Alternative Medicine

Men! We can hear women voicing their disapproval now as we report that two Norwegian bachelor brothers, ages 73 and 80, had a couple of women show up at their home and perform an impromptu strip show. Afterward, the brothers discovered they had been ripped off for several thousand dollars. We suspect that women who express their ire are upset because: A) they did not know the brothers and B) because they did not think of such a ploy themselves.

From Antarctica come reports that condom dispensers are enroute there in time for “tourist season.” Ornery Reports staff expressed amazement that Antarctica HAS a “tourist season” although most agreed that the purpose for which the condoms are intended surely beats getting out and wandering around on what is basically a huge chunk of frozen ground and ice. We should also add that when asked whether the condom machines would be routed through New Zealand, a government spokesman giggled, blushed, and ran away. (See “The Rankin Files” article for reference.)

Meanwhile, we have discovered one of the reasons for the size of India’s population, estimated at over one billion and rising. It seems that people there are using lubricant from condoms on yarn used to weave silk sarees.

The lubricant helps to prevent the yarn from breaking during the weaving process. As a side effect, the incidence of impregnated sarees has declined sharply. The wearers on the other hand…

Finally, Ornery Reports staff pass along this word of warning from the European Commission:
“Do NOT allow your babies to play with sex toys.”

The reason for this declaration is that a chemical used in the adult toys has been banned for use in baby items. The chemical concentration in the adult items is 20 times greater than that formerly found in the baby toys.
That is it for The Ornery Reports, bringing you news features, headlines, and articles, sex – SIX – days per week.

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