Not that you get many sheep in the jungle…

So, the news is in. Max Mosley, the head clown of the F1, has been reinstated for another term of insanity. The only consolation is in 2005, he can’t run again. So folks, only 3 more years to go before hopefully a saner pilot will take the helm.

Max is a moron. There’s no way around it. He’s a spineless, gutless moron. As I’ve said before, he showed great testicular fortitude ousting Jean Marie Balestre in the early 90’s, and has promptly sat on his ass twiddling his thumbs. Occasionally he’ll speak about something in F1. Such a teams engineering results. “Oh, if this happens again, there will be severe punishments.” When it happens again, “Oh that, no, I didn’t say that, but if this happens again there will be severe punishments” ad infinitum.

Balestre was hardly a saint, though was at least controversial enough to be interesting. Mosley is just a plank with all the leadership qualities of a lemming.

3 years folks. 36 months and this will all be over.

Of course, there is a saying. “Better the devil you know…”

The Aquarium offers many diverse programs from short day excursions to extended field research. The four day adventure, guided by experienced marine biologists, includes boating trips, snorkeling and observing native sea inhabitants. If you’re pressed for time, then take advantage of the shorter two day program filled with hours of snorkeling. For a single day excursion, the 3 mile Kayak adventure is one way to spend the day paddling around Clearwater Harbor and St. Joseph Sound while soaking up some Florida sun.

Another very popular program is the hour long beach walk, conducted by marine biologists, and designed to observe nesting turtle sites. Sea turtle nesting season runs May 1 through October 31. Learn more about this endangered species and how you can help. Reservations are suggested, so call ahead.

Feel like taking a little “sea cruise”, then the Sea Life Safari should fill the bill. Learn about the marine life inhabiting the waterways and visit a local bird sanctuary. Stretch your legs and go hunting for that perfect sun-drenched shell.

After a day of fun and sun, stop by the gift shop for that special souvenir and be sure to check out the artwork by Sunset Sam; you will be amazed!

This album is made for solitude: long solitary drives, contemplative days, and quiet hours. Listening to this music makes me want to figure out how quickly the sounds are mutating. Why are they mutating and evolving? Maybe it has something to do with music theory and Steve Reich and whatnot. Sometimes I find myself staring at the CD player trying to decide whether the sounds are very very slowly mutating or have reach a steady, nonvarying place. I look more carefully and my CD player will not tell me which song is playing-it treats the album as an hour of music. I pick up the CD case and it is red and devoid of information, i.e. no liner notes, no credits, just a picture that looks a bit like a time-lapsed solar eclipse. That seems appropriate.

Like Pole, Pan Sonic does not use recognizable instrumentation. This is neither drum ‘n bass nor improvisational jazz. It is music that very gradually evolves, mutates, changes. The closing 28 minute track “Oahu” of the second 6ths album, the 2000 Merge release Hyacinths and Thistles, features the same, a radically slow metamorphosis of an ocean wave sound, presumably Hawaiian. It is very tempting to call this postmodern. But I think it is the music of tomorrow and it makes me calm and happy.

Lately I’ve been turned on to a new sort of recovery food. It’s simple, sweet, natural and relatively cheap, and does it ever hit the spot after a hard trail run! I’m talking about that golden ambrosia known as honey – nature’s sweetener.

Via three recent studies sponsored by the Longmont-based National Honey Board, honey has emerged as potentially one of the best and cheapest fuels available for athletes. Dr. Richard Kreider, the studies’ lead researcher and director of the Exercise and Sport Nutrition Laboratory at the University of Memphis, explained in a recent telephone conversation that when the board approached him with the idea of studying honey’s efficacy as a workout fuel, he realized that no similar studies had been done.

“That was really the whole impetus,” he said. “There have been a lot of studies on carbohydrates and recovery drinks, but energy gels are relatively new, and nothing had been done on honey and exercise performance.”

Last April Kreider announced the results of his group’s first study, which evaluated honey as a pre-workout fuel.

Kreider explained that honey rates lower on the glycemic index, or GI, than many other popular pre-workout fuels, including energy gels. The GI of a food indicates how rapidly a person’s blood sugar, or glucose level, rises after ingesting it in comparison to downing a dose of pure glucose. Foods with a lower GI are absorbed more slowly, allowing for a steady and longer-term release of carbohydrates, which is desirable for athletes looking to remain evenly fueled throughout their workouts.

Last June that same team of researchers reported the results of the second study, showing that a little bit o’ honey post-workout aids in recovery. Thirty-nine male and female weight-trained athletes worked out intensely for an hour, then immediately consumed one of three post-workout recovery drinks. All contained a protein supplement blended with one of the following: normal sugar, maltodextrin (a complex carbohydrate) or honey (in a powdered form). Unlike the others, athletes who took the honey mixture maintained and sustained optimal blood sugar levels.

Kreider theorized that honey’s natural combination of complex and simple carbohydrates allowed for a slow and steady uptake of carbohydrates and protein, making it easier for blood sugar to reach a normal level and stabilize at that level after a significant (half-hour to hour-long) workout.

Finally, at a conference held in Florida on April 4 of this year, Kreider announced the results of the third study, which demonstrated that honey equals the performance of energy gels in fueling athletes during workouts.

Of course, this being Boulder, health-conscious eaters might prefer to have their honey not only organic, but also raw and unfiltered. Plenty of choices abound on local grocery store shelves, including numerous Colorado honeys, so you can both fuel your workout and support local enterprises, too!

1 cup dried breadcrumbs, seasoned

3 teaspoons Ener-G egg replacer

4 tablespoons cold water + 2 teaspoons

1 Tablespoon soy sauce

Mix egg replacer with the water and soy sauce.

Make sure to season breadcrumbs before proceeding.

Pat dry tofu, and slice into 1/2 inch slices. Cut slices into thirds, and place into egg replacer mixture. Roll tofu in bread mixture and place in hot oil. Cook for 1-2 minutes and place on paper towel to cool. Repeat as necessary until tofu is used up.

Serve immediately with any of your favorite meals. (An excellent source of vegetable protein!) Makes 4-6 servings.

TV Junkie Gorp

Gorp is actually backpacking snacking food, but couch potatoes seem to have an appetite for crunchy-chewy-salty things too. So here are some nutrient packed gorp recipe for you that’re better than chips or corn nuts alone:

Sci-Fi Gorp
1 part peanuts, cashews or mixed nuts
1 part corn nuts
1 part pretzel sticks
1 part diced celery rib
1 part loose granola fruit mix

Soap Opera Gorp
1 part raisins
2 parts roasted peanuts
1 part shelled sunflower seeds
3 parts Cheerios cereal
2 parts dried apple slices
1 part sundried tomatoes or dried apricots
handful vanilla wafers broken to chunks

Reality TV Gorp
1 part almonds
1 part corn nuts
1 part dried banana slices
1 part other dried fruit (we like dried apricots here)
1 part pretzels

Stir to mix up and gobble down your gorp!

Super-fast black bean chili mac and cheese

Is your idea of gourmet dining alternative mac and cheese and Rice-a-Roni? For a great variation on mac and cheese, and to do something different with spaghetti sauce, take this one for a spin.

one 15-oz. can black beans, drained
one box mac and cheese
half cup salsa
3 cloves garlic
3 cups spaghetti sauce
half teaspoon salt(optional)
extra grated Parmesan cheese(optional)

Let all non-mac and cheese ingredients simmer in a saucepan for 5 minutes, add mac and cheese, cooking according to package directions and stir in extra cheese if desired.

Ginger Date Muffins

For something other than the regular same-old muffin, try these out.

one and a quarter cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon finely grated or minced ginger
half teaspoon baking powder
quarter teaspoon salt
1 large egg
6 tablespoons honey
one and three-quarters cup packed pitted dates, chopped coarsely (about 10 oz.)
quarter cup butter (1 and a half sticks)
6 tablespoons packed brown sugar

Preheat oven to 400F, butter a 12-cup muffin tray. In a bowl sift together flour, ginger, baking soda, and salt. In a small bowl whisk together egg and honey until combined. Coarsely chop dates. In a large bowl with an electric mixer beat tobether butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in flour and egg mixes until just combined and stir in dates. Divinde batter among muffin cups and bake in the middl eof the oven until tester comes out clean, about 15 minutes (muffins will not rise). Makes 12 muffins.

Hate doing the dishes? Before you start cooking something that needs mixing, like our muffin recipe here, fill a sink half full with slightly soapy hot water. Throw everything into the sink once you’re done and waiting for the food to cook, and go watch some tv. When you come back, you’ll find washing up and getting the little bits of food off utensils is really easy!

Black Bean Soup

Prep: 15 min, Cook: 20 min.
1-1/2 tsp. olive oil
1/4 cup onion, chopped
1 lb. canned black beans, drained
1/2 lb. recipe-ready crushed tomatoes
3/4 cup beef stock
1/4 cup salsa
2 Tbs. plain yogurt
2 Tbs. dried parsley or mixed dried herbs

Heat oil in a heavy non-reactive saucepan over medium high heat. Saute’ onion 4-5 minutes or until onion turns golden. Stir in next 3 ingredients and saute’ 1 minute, stirring constantly. Transfer to a food processor or blender. Add next 4 ingredients and pure’e until mixture is smooth. Return mixture to pan and simmer over low heat 20 minutes, stirring frequently. Serve soup with a dollop of plain yogurt and sprinkled with scallions. Got Milk? Nope!
Did you drink milk straight from the carton and finished it? Or had to throw it out because it was, um, a bit fragrant? If you’re comfortable in your soy-hood or your lactose-intolerant-hood and can’t be bothered to stroll to a convenience store to get milk, try out one of these no-milk recipes!

Chocolate Pudding

4 large egg yolks 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon cornstarch 1 cup sugar 3 cups plain soy or other nondairy milk 3 ounces chopped unsweetened chocolate 2 tablespoons margarine or butter 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla In a bowl, beat egg yolks with a fork to blend. In a 3- to 4-quart pan, mix flour, cornstarch and sugar. Gradually whisk in soy milk until smooth. Add chopped chocolate. Stir over high heat until mixture comes to a full boil, 6 to 10 minutes. Boil, stirring, for 1 minute. Stir about 1/2 cup hot pudding into egg yolks, then pour yolk mixture into pan. Cook, stirring, for 1 minute more. Remove from heat. Add margarine and vanilla and stir until margarine is melted. Pour pudding into a serving dish or individual dishes. Serve warm, or cover pudding surface with plastic wrap and chill up to 24 hours. Takes about 20 minutes About 4 cups or 8 servings

Berry Rice Smoothie

1 cup rice milk 1 cup sliced, ripe banana 1/2 cup frozen, unsweetened strawberries 1/2 cup ice cubes 1/4 teaspoon vanilla Honey, to taste In a blender whirl rice milk, banana, strawberries, ice cubes and vanilla to make a smooth slush. Add honey to taste. Takes 3 to 5 minutes to make
Makes 2 or 3 servings

Oat Breakfast Smoothie

Ingredients: 1 cup oat milk 1/2 cup ready-to-eat oat cereal 1 cup sliced, ripe banana 1/2 cup chopped dates 1/2 cup ice cubes 1 tablespoon lemon juice In a blender whirl oat milk, oat cereal, banana, chopped dates, ice cubes and lemon juice to a smooth slush. Takes 3 to 5 minutes
Makes 2 servings

Deceptively “creamy” Cream of Mushroom Soup

1/4 cup (1/8 pound) margarine or butter 1 onion (1/2 pound), peeled and finely chopped 1/2 pound sliced mushrooms 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1-1/2 cups fat-skimmed chicken broth 1 cup plain soy or other nondairy milk Salt and pepper In a 5- to 6-quart pan over high heat, combine margarine, onion and mushrooms. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid evaporates and vegetables are lightly browned, 5 minutes. Sprinkle vegetables with flour and stir 1 to 2 minutes more. Stirring, add broth and bring to a simmer; cover and simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in soy milk and add salt and pepper to taste. Ladle soup into bowls. Makes 3 cups or 2 servings. Takes 15 minutes.

When you do enough weight training, your attention will eventually come to your calves and forearms—two of the most difficult areas to develop. Your forearms get some work every time you do heavy pulling exercises. In fact, sometimes your forearms and hand grip strength will give out before your lats do. Calves don’t get too much emphasis in most lower body weight training, but they provide much of the propulsion in walking and running.

For purposes of forearm training, think of your forearm, hand, and wrist as one unit. Hand grip strength is important in numerous everyday and occupational activities, so you should work on it even if your genetics never let you develop massive or shapely forearms. There is an occasional grip machine at some gyms, but most of these exercises can be done with home equipment or everyday items.

Get or make a wrist roller. This is a piece of dowel or PVC pipe with a string attached to the middle and a hook on the string. Hold it out straight in front of you with both hands on the dowel and roll it until the string is wrapped around it, then reverse, just by using your hands and fingers. Make it harder by hanging a small weight plate or other item from the string. You can emphasize your fingers and grip by holding a sheet of newspaper in front of you with one hand and crumple it up completely using just your fingers; don’t bend your elbow. There are a number of low-cost devices for improving your grip, and you can also squeeze a tennis ball. Doing a regular biceps curl with your palm down instead of up switches the emphasis from the biceps to the forearm. You will use less weight this way. Include wrist curls in your routine. Using two dumbbells or a barbell, stabilize your forearms, palms up, either on a bench as you kneel behind it or your thighs as you bend forward from a seated position. Let your wrists extend down, then curl them up as far as you can without moving your forearms. Make sure you control the weight. Use high reps, with this—10 or more. Turn your hands over and do the same thing the other way for a reverse wrist curl. This is harder and requires less weight. This will help prevent tennis elbow as well as adding strength.

Increasing forearm and grip strength will let you do heavier weights with your pulling exercises and lower body exercises like deadlifts. It will also improve your performance in golf, tennis, softball, and other sports that require swinging an implement. And you will still be able to open jars when you get older.

Calf exercises are not as much fun as forearm exercises, but you should still do some. There are two major muscles in the calf. The big one you can see is the gastrocnemius, and the soleus lies under it. The job of the calf muscles is to extend the foot at the ankle, that is, to move the forefoot downward. Thus, the calf provides the final propulsion for running and walking. If you do a lot of running, you may not need to do a lot of specific calf work.

The standing calf raise and its variations are all you really need for calf training. Place the balls of your feet securely on a step, board, or other riser. Let your heels sink down an inch or two, then rise up on the balls of your feet. You can do this on both feet or one at a time using body weight, then advance by holding a weight in your hand while you hold on to something for balance with the other hand, with both legs, or make it harder and use one. If your balance is good, you can do it with a barbell on your shoulders. Do the exercise slowly. This exercise emphasizes the gastrocnemius, with assistance from the soleus. Use a weight that allows 10-15 repetitions.

If you want to do more calf work, you can isolate the soleus by doing seated calf raises. This is the same exercise done in a seated position, with a weight held on your thighs. Use lighter weight and higher reps, because the soleus is mostly an endurance muscle, whereas the gastroc can be very powerful.

Make sure you stretch your calves after working them and also after running or fitness walking. It’s important to keep the Achilles tendon at the back of the heel flexible.

Don’t neglect the opposing muscles in the front of the lower leg. The main one is the tibialis anterior. It raises your forefoot up toward your shin, the opposite move from the calf muscles. You can train it from a seated position just by putting a weight on your toes and forefoot and raising it as high as you can by flexing your ankle with your heel on the ground. Another way is to walk around on your heels.

Calf development from a bodybuilding standpoint is difficult, but you can get results if you stick with it. Strong calves help your walking, running, and jumping, and help you maintain your balance and move with a firm, confident gait.

Other folklore suggests that bats “fly like a bird” but “bite like a beast”. Native American lore tells of why the bat has no friends. It tells of him betraying the birds and then the mammals in a battle between them. When the birds were winning in the great battle he would claim to be a bird since he had wings. Then when the mammals were winning he would claim to be one of them showing his teeth and saying that birds cannot bite like him. Both sides would accept his reasoning and allow him with them. And when a truce was called it was decided that for his deceit he be forced to fly at night alone when the birds and other mammals were sleeping and that he be alone.

Another Native American belief is that bats ate volcanic rocks and spewed arrowheads. Too much craftsmanship goes into making arrowheads to even begin believing that a bat spit them out.

Are you blind as a bat? Another myth applied to bats. Bats are far from blind. They see rather well actually, only they see in black and white not in color like we do. Their eyes are developed for night vision. This vision combined with their “radar” system works exceptionally well for them in catching the insects that they live on. Bats use an echo system in which they emit a high-pitched sound that human ears can detect and then listen for its echo off of the terrain around it and build a picture of what is about them. They do not fly around at night with the intention of getting tangled in women’s long hair either. This is just another myth that has been passed down through time.

A bat flies into your home, is something evil and vile about to happen or should you be grateful for the good luck that has been bestowed upon you? This all depends on your heritage. If you are of eastern beliefs then a bat entering your home is a good omen. Yet if you were of European upbringing you would fear the evil omen that has been bestowed upon your home. The European belief though also coincides with one that even birds flying into your house is a sign of death. I wonder if a bat walked into a European home would it have a different meaning? Alas probably not, for the European beliefs of the evil nature of bats would take foremost thought in the matter.

Now if you lived in Mexico you would have yet another version to consider. Mexican belief suggests that when rats and mice grow old that they grow wings and become bats. Hmmm, I’m thinking that myth dispels itself there fairly easily.

All bats have rabies, another very misleading and damaging myth to the bat’s reputation. Facts will show that less than 1/2 of 1 % of the bat population is a carrier of the rabies virus. Rabid bats seldom attack or show aggressive behavior unless you simply have picked it up and it is defending itself.

A fact about bats, a bat is a mammal. Warm blooded and furry like other mammals, excluding the dolphin of course that has no fur. The live almost exclusively on insects or fruits depending on the breed of bat. Those that live on fruit nectar are very important in the pollination cycle of some fruits. The US has 45 species of bats, 6 of which are on the endangered list. Bat myths need to be dispelled in order to help save some these species from dieing off completely.

Worldwide there are approximately 900 species of bats. They are valuable to the planet and are not the evil dark creature that brings shivers at the thought, as portrayed in movies and myths. Bats are like humans, they give birth to live young and nurse them with milk. The female bat usually has just one young a year. The lifespan of a bat under normal conditions can be 30 yrs. Sizes of bats varies also, from the tiniest one at the weight of a dime to the largest with a wingspan of 6 feet, the large “flying foxes” of Africa, Asia, Australia, and many Pacific islands with its 6 foot wing span would be quiet an impressive site to see.

It is my hope that you now have a further understanding of bats and their evil reputation. And that seeing bats or hearing the word will not invoke fear or nightmares; just a simple understanding that the bat too is an often-misunderstood creature just as we all feel at times.

It seems some guys have found the secret to attracting women because they get lots of attention from them and other guys are left quaking in their boots. It just isn’t true that guys popular with women are born with the charisma and attractiveness needed to charm them. All guys start out not knowing how to attract girls. Practice makes perfect and these guys have just practiced their skills more.

The three most important skills are good communication, having respect and not chasing. A good definition of each of these skills for attracting women is in order.

The Art of Communication

The most important thing is being able to communicate precisely and effectively, an often overlooked skill that is imperative for attracting women. If you are good at communicating, you can get the most out of interacting with a girl. What you say and how you act are the best outward signs of confidence. Within just a few minutes of talking with a woman, she can judge your skills in these important traits. You can either attract or repel women by your skill or lack of skill in communicating.

Respect

Girls are attracted to guys that are in touch with themselves, guys that are confident and respect themselves. The difference between confidence and cockiness is that confidence attracts girls and cockiness turns them off, so know the difference.

Never Chase A Girl

If you want to scare a girl away, chase her and every other woman within sight constantly. If you are being chased rather than doing the chasing, you will be more desirable. A man is more attractive to women if other women are chasing him because she wants to be the one to get him.

By practicing and using these 3 simple skills, you can be the guy that the girls are chasing.

Let’s turn back to my profession, writing. The fact that many writers lead a sedentary lifestyle alone is a great health concern for us. If you couple that inactive lifestyle with not eating regular meals or a balance of healthy foods, drinking too much coffee, smoking, or even drinking alcohol, what you get is a mix of behaviors that can seriously affect your health. The life of a writer is one that can pose several different health problems. Carpal tunnel is another problem that some face. Exposure to radiation from our computers is even an added risk for writers.

My greatest risks are not eating properly, drinking way too much coffee, smoking too much, and sitting on my fat butt instead of exercising. At least I have come to accept my flaws and embrace them, right? No, by today’s politically correct standards, I am a pig! That’s right. It is all right, though. I have come to accept my likeness to a swine.

I guess I am just an unhealthy person who would just rather write something meaningful than do ab-crunches while puffing on my cigarettes. (Yes, that is the only damn way you would get me to do ab-crunches!) I like smoking. I know I am evil for saying that. Smoking has become a taboo in our society. Daily we smokers gather at entrances to buildings, outside stores, and in dark alleys just to have a puff.

We are second class citizens. We get the worst seating in restaurants. We are those strange people that you see inhaling an entire cigarette before getting out of our car in the parking garage. I know we look like a bunch of out of control imbeciles that are dependent upon our nicotine fix, but we are people too. We pay more taxes than any group in America. We pay for new city streets, new parking garages, and almost every damn thing. That gives me a right to complain.

So, why do I smoke? Yes, I could hear you asking that. Smoking gives me something to do with my hands. Those long sticks of carcinogens are my writing buddies. As I write, these white sticks turn to gray as they burn out in the astray. (At least this means that I get less nicotine and tar in my lungs, right?) Many smokers report that they calm their nerves. Other smokers started to lose weight. HINT: This does NOT work.

Yes, I have tried to quit smoking. The longest I ever made it was four days. I know that is not long, but for a smoker, four days without a cigarette is like ten years! My mistake was quitting in cooperation with my husband. Kelly and I quit together. He was a tyrant and I was a bitch. He sat on the computer and complained. I went for walks five times a day. Finally, he was such a bear that I went out and bought him a pack of cigarettes. When I got home, I threw the pack at him. I growled, “Smoke these damned things, because the cigarettes will take longer to kill you than I will!” After that, we both agreed to kill ourselves slowly with the little white sticks from Hell or the Carolinas, depending on the brand you smoke.

The fact that many writers lead a sedentary lifestyle alone is a great health concern for us. If you combine an inactive lifestyle with not eating right and drinking a lot of coffee, you are playing Russian roulette with your life. I know this. You know this. Why is it that many of us still persist? Perhaps it is for different reasons. One reason that I am unable to change is that I know who I am.

I know that realistically I am not going to ever be an aerobic queen like Jane Fonda. I have accepted the fact that genetics as well as my lifestyle will guarantee that I will never be a svelte super model wannabe. I have come to the terms with the fact that I may not live to be eighty years old. I am not sure who would want to live that long and why, but I am sure that I probably won’t. I am ok with that.

You see my Mom died at the age of 59 from pancreas cancer. She took every vitamin and herb recommended in hopes of lengthening your life; she didn’t smoke; and she didn’t drink. I have chosen to do what makes me happy. If people disagree with that, that is all right. If people feel the need to tell me how dangerous that is, that is all right too. Who knows, perhaps one day I will quit smoking and take up aerobics, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath! Perhaps I just have a more realistic view of my limitations that some other people do. This is my philosophy: If all we ever do is worry about what will kill us and when, when will we ever have time to live?